1 min read

New FEMA Alert Notifies Public Whenever ‘Twister’ Airing On TNT

WASHINGTON—Predicting that the system would save countless Americans from missing an all-time classic, the Federal Emergency Management Agency announced the creation of a new alert Friday that would notify the public whenever the 1996 film Twister was airing on TNT. “If Twister is playing in your area, you will receive a notification on your phone that reads ‘Emergency Warning: […]

2 mins read

Pro-Life Conservatives Boycott Ms. Rachel Over Controversial Anti-Baby Killing Stance

WASHINGTON — Popular YouTube children’s entertainer Ms. Rachel sparked backlash from pro-life right-wing commentators for her brave stance against ongoing infanticide in Gaza, confirmed sources. “After we’re finished protesting at Planned Parenthood, we’re gonna picket the YouTubes next,” shared Fran Amber-Sheridan while trying to re-download the Newsmax app. “It doesn’t make sense for Ms. Rachel […]

2 mins read

Trump Demands To See Bruce Springsteen’s Birth Certificate To Prove He Was Born In The U.S.A.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to years of sharp criticism from the legendary music icon, President Donald Trump demanded to see Bruce Springsteen’s birth certificate to prove he was born in the U.S.A. The “Glory Days” singer has been one of Trump’s most vocal opponents, leading the president to challenge Springsteen to present his birth […]

4 mins read

Addendum to the Ban on Harvard’s Enrollment of International Students

“The Trump administration on Thursday said it would halt Harvard University’s ability to enroll international students, taking aim at a crucial funding source for the nation’s oldest and wealthiest college in a major escalation of the administration’s efforts to pressure the elite school to fall in line with the president’s agenda.” – New York Times […]